Category: Shitty Guidelines

Don’t eat shit philosophy

It’s time to clear something up. The Don’t Eat Shit Diet is actually an anti-diet. It’s not really a diet at all. It is simply a set of principles that you can follow to eat well. (Hmm, maybe one day I’ll trademark the name and sell a thousand books. Until then, it is what it is and nothing more.)

The philosophy of the diet is really very, very simple: Don’t eat shit!

What this “diet” is not:

  • It’s not about counting calories
  • It’s not about going gaga over what someone might have eaten millennia ago
  • It’s not about what celebrities are eating now
  • It’s not about proportions of macronutrients
  • It’s not about precision
  • It’s not about food matching
  • It’s not about metabolism
  • It’s not about blood types

Does this mean that this “diet” shuns the stuff above? Not necessarily. What it means is this “diet” is about following the simplest possible parameters to achieve a healthy diet.

So stop stressing. Stop being cultish about what you eat. Food is fuel but it should be enjoyed too.

Live your life, eat and be merry!

Food fight

Some people just know how to have fun with food

Choosing the best shit to eat

Keep it simple, stupid! As far as guidelines go, it doesn’t get much simpler than that.

When it comes to choosing the best food for your health, simple is also best.

Here is a simple way to decide which foods to eat:

  • Always look for organic, free range, grass fed options
  • Grow and farm your own produce where possible
  • If you can’t grow your own, use a supplier you trust and can question about produce
  • Your last resort is eating foods from unknown suppliers where you don’t know the source or processing details

Healthy choices make for healthy results.

Grow your own.

Grow your own. Grass is for suckers.

The shit rules

The Don’t Eat Shit Diet has only three rules:

  1. DON’T EAT SHIT
  2. If you do eat shit, don’t get teary and have a nervous breakdown. Just get back on track ASAP.
  3. Don’t tell anyone who eats shit that either a) they shouldn’t eat shit, or b) you don’t eat shit because they don’t care.
Keep calm

If all else fails…

More shit

I started this blog with three items that are shit.
Now, I’m going to add more.
The Shit List is taking shape.

Here are two more items to remove from your diet:

  1. Take away food – no surprises here. The big issue is that you probably have no idea what goes into the take away food you buy or what it might contain due to accident or negligence. I’m guessing at some point you’ve been exposed to gluten, MSG, listeria, staph. Aureus, trans fatty acids, rat faeces and probably worse. Does that makes your guts squirm? Hopefully.
  2. Sugar – this shit will kill you…seriously. Sugar ain’t no good. Think about obesity, diabetes, joint pain, autoimmune disease and the list goes on. Sugar is number one on the list of ingredients that are down right dangerous.

“Taste me you will see
More is all you need
Dedicated to
How I’m killing you”

from Master of Puppets by Metallica

Chop your breakfast on a mirror?

Was James talking about sugar?

What is shit?

If you’re going to commit to The Don’t Eat Shit Diet you must first understand what shit really is.

But you already know what shit is don’t you!? C’mon admit it.

Oh alrighty then, here’s it is…

The Shit List

The list of foods you must absolutely, positively avoid at all costs (unless you don’t give a shit):

  1. Gluten – that shit will kill you (slowly)
  2. Processed foods – who knows who made that shit
  3. Soft drink – no sane creature would drink that shit

I’m keeping it real simple. Let’s just start there.

Now go to your kitchen and remove any and all shit.

Dont' listen to the bird. He be crazy!

Don’t listen to the bird. He be crazy!